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"Trowa's Secret"Written By: Emerald Pillow Pairings: 1+3 Warnings: Yaoi;Langauage,death fic Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, you can try
to sue me, but all you'll get is a cat with a half mask like Trowa
(But, her name is Duo...) Comments: It's from Trowa's POV and the story
is about a little secret that he's been hiding from Heero...I hope
you enjoy. Rating: NC 17 Trowa's Secret Part 15 After the incident in the class room, rumors of me spread
throughout campus like a wild fire. Most of them were of how I got
infected. Many thought me a whore and unworthy of Heero. It didn't
bother me. I didn't care what others were thinking or saying behind
my back about me. It didn't phase me the way they treated me. What
did bother me was that they were doing the same thing to Heero. Once
one of the most popular and sought after guys, because of me, now
students were dropping out of basketball just because he played. When
he sat down, everyone scooted away from him as if he was the one with
the disease instead of me. He acted as if it didn't bother him. .
.and I knew it didn't, but it was ridiculous that he was treated like
this because of the soul fact that he was my boyfriend. People wouldn't
even give him a second look anymore; when before they would trip over
their own feet to continue gawking at him. Since then, he had become very protective of me. If
anyone so much as looked at me the wrong way, he would threaten to
kick their ass. We didn't make love again, he was afraid of seriously
hurting me. However, we have been participating in oral sex as often
as we had a chance. It wasn't the same as feeling him inside me, but
it was all we could do. Wu Fei found that his theory about Dr. Helix
was true. After four weeks of debating, he was fired, and Wu Fei was
placed as my full time doctor until a replacement was found. In the
course of those four weeks, my body had gotten much weaker. To the
extent that bruises were constantly appearing. Every time a new one
appeared, Heero worried over how it happened. It bothered him more
when they emerged for no reason than if I had bumped into something,
or if he had been a little too rough. Somehow, I knew what he was going to do. Remembering
the time I tried to call things off with him. . .what he said to me.
. .I knew what he was planning. . .and I have tried everything since
then to make him change his mind. I didn't want him to go through
with his plan, but I didn't know how to stop him. I knew I wasn't
going to live much longer. Yesterday I tried to make peace with Duo,
though he thought it was some kind of strange joke, he accepted. I
thought about calling Quatre, but I wasn't sure if I could trust my
voice, let alone my words. Instead, I wrote him a letter, just as
I did Catherine. I knew that by time they would get it, I wouldn't
be around. . .but that's the way I wanted it. My thoughts were interrupted as Heero walked into my
room. Like clockworks, he dropped his book bag on the chair sitting
opposite the bed and sat next to me. I wanted to sit up, but I didn't
have the energy. I thought he was alone, but to my surprise, Duo was
with him. The gothic king didn't speak though as he walked into the
room and sat on the arm of the chair. I guess since yesterday, he
had been doing a lot of thinking. He looked as if he wanted to say
something, but held his tongue. "How you feelin?" Heero asked softly and lightly
ran his fingers across my cheek. "I don't want to be here any more Heero."
Every syllable hurt. . .but it was how I felt. I wanted us to be alone
somewhere, anywhere but here. I seen the tears come to his eyes as
he nodded. He lightly kissed my forehead before pushing to his feet.
"What are you doing?" Duo questioned as he
watched Heero walk over to the closet that my clothes were in. He
didn't respond as he removed my signature turtleneck and jeans. "Heero,
you better not be thinking what I think you're thinking." No
one spoke as he removed my hospital gown and began dressing me. "Heero,
they're not going to let you just walk out of here with him."
"They can't help any more." Heero answered,
though Duo didn't seem to notice, but his voice cracked. He lifted
me into his arms and I closed my eyes as I rested against his cheek.
"Heero, you're not thinking straight." Duo
tried to coax as he followed us into the hall. "Excuse me, but I didn't receive any word that
he's ready to be released." Wendy stated as she stepped around
from behind the nurse's station. "Heero, if you take him. . ."
"What do you think he's doing Wendy?" I wanted
to look up into his strong features, but I couldn't find any strength
to do so. I could tell by his voice how much he was hurting. "Not
here. I won't let him." "I can't let you take him." "You try stopping him." Duo joked and I held
onto Heero. "I'm not asking." Was all he said as he continued
down the hall and to the elevator; Wendy close behind, trying to talk
sense into him. As he held me, I thought about everything. It was
as if I was watching a movie play in my mind. Everything from the
mercenaries and my first battle to breaking up with Quatre and making
love to Heero. Tears spilled from my eyes as I thought of all the
times Heero had held me when I was in pain. . .how he stood by me
no matter how much I tried to push him away. I didn't want to leave
him. He was everything to me, but I knew I couldn't stop it. My thoughts were detoured when I heard someone mention
Wu Fei's name. I somehow managed to open my eyes to see my Chinese
friend standing in Heero's path. He stood so strong, and true. It
took me a minute to realize that the doctors and nurses were pleading
with Wu Fei to somehow talk sense into my boyfriend. The coal eyes
glanced up at Heero for a moment, then down at me. The next instant,
without a single word, he side stepped out of the way. I looked back
at my friend as Heero continued forward. Duo was trying to follow
us, but Wu Fei stopped him. I read his lips as he told Duo what was
truly happening. . .and that I wouldn't be returning. He took me to the football field. We sat on the 50 yard
line, like we always did on nice days. This time was different though.
It would be the last time either of us would see the field. He held
me in his arms and I slipped mine around him. In doing this, I felt
my fear's reality. He had a gun hidden in the back of his jeans. As
soon as I pass away, he was going to commit suicide. I knew he would.
Finding the concealed weapon brought more tears. Why couldn't he continue
living? For us? "I can't talk you out of it. . .can I?" "I've told you before that life holds nothing without
you." "I don't want you to go like this." "And I don't want you to go like this." "Heero. . ." "I love you Trowa. I can't see my life without
you, and I won't live without you. Until I first met you, I felt like
I was alone. No matter if I was in a crowd of people, I was still
alone. You're the only person to ever make me feel differently. I
don't ever want to go back to being alone again." I gathered
as much strength as I could to kiss him. Though I didn't want to break
away from that kiss, there was something more I wanted from him as
a final good bye. "Make love to me Heero." I whispered softly.
There was no sense in holding back any more. He hesitated only a moment
before laying me in the soft grass and full filling my final wish.
His thrusts were slow and gentle as he kissed and caressed me. It
was then that I noticed the tears streaming from his eyes. It was
the first time I've ever seen him cry. Seeing them renewed my tears.
I forced myself to stay focused on him. I wanted to fully enjoy this
last gesture until the end. He tenderly kissed my tears, and I wished
I would have had enough stamina to do the same for him. "I love
you Heero." He looked down at me a moment. It was the first time
I ever said it to anyone. It was the first time he had heard it. After release, he held me tightly, and I became increasingly
sleepy. He continued talking to me as if he felt that his voice could
keep me living. . .but he was growing fainter and fainter until he
stopped completely. Just as I was getting use to the silence, I heard
a vague gunshot and I knew he had taken his own life to follow me.
As I settled back into the darkness, I heard another voice. It was
Duo. He was crying Heero's name, and swearing him for what he had
done. He then cursed me. The final thing I heard before I surrendered
completely was Duo saying: "Lucky bastard. Heero would do anything for you.
. .even follow you to hell." ~ Fin ~ Chapter |
